This is a difficult subject to write about because most of us have the inclination to do things in the wrong way. If you have had a dream about a venomous snake in the past, this post is definitely for you.

Suppose you have a really great workplace where you are working with a fantastic team of people who are doing all kinds of creative and interesting new work, the place where a lot of us really thrive. Can you feel the energy of it. Then imagine that someone new comes to join the team who is really out of their element, is uncomfortable doing creative work, and can only point out negatives and try to under mind what is happening. Unfortunately this is much more common place than we would like to think. In a more traditional approach the idea would be to find ways to approach the person so that their venomous ways stop. Indeed in some circumstances cutting off the head of the snake is what is needed. I am going to share a different approach.

When a venomous personality comes into your workspace or social space, their focus is on finding the negative in others and then gradually making the negative more pronounced in others. It is deadly to the group because it stops the creative juices from flowing, which is the snake’s intention. The snake is uncomfortable with creative environments so its intention is to stop the creative flow. If you are a part of the creative team that has been productive, then you will recognize the snake when it enters the group. It will create a negative feeling of discomfort inside and then you will want to do something to alter the snake, usually in form of trying to get them to be more like the group. It will always fail. The snakes are too clever to stop their venomous ways by being talked to.

The key to dealing with snake starts with recognizing your own emotional state. Usually it will be some kind of annoyance or even full blown anger with a lot of frustration. As soon as you feel the annoyance inside it lets you know that the venomous person has already put their poison in you. Your system is already affected, and when you are affected, the tendency is to strike back with negative recommendations to them to stop doing what they are doing. This is what they feed off of. Don’t do it.

The first step is to deal with your anger, annoyance. Feel it and then see how it drives your ineffective actions. The next step is to understand what the anger or annoyance is calling you to a capacity which you have not yet fully developed. It calls you to patience and calm. Patience and calm allows you to detach from the poison by recognizing it, but being unaffected by it. When you have the desired state of calmness, then the snake is in big trouble. Instead of trying to get the snake to stop the poisonous behavior, the goal is to listen to the person’s difficulty with becoming a creative teammate. Being creative will be a frightening experience for them that will bring up trauma from the past. The venomous behavior is there as a protection from having to deal with the past trauma.

Instead of reacting with anger and then trying to get them to stop, the goal is to feel calm and patient and then start reflecting, paraphrasing back what they are saying. Speak extremely slowly and calmly in a listening mode. The goal is help the person access their creative self the way others in the team are doing. Their inner spirit want to be more creative. They are just in over their head at the task at hand. Patience and calm starts to put them into process. The key is to not react to the venom, the negativity. It is just a protective defense.

Sometimes patience and calm do not work well if the person being venomous has authority over others, but for the most part, when you are in an equal relationship, it is extremely powerful.