Framework for Change Part 1: Who first. What or How much second.
There are basically two ways to go about the transformation process. The first method answers a what or how much question. What kind of house do I want to live? What kind of career do I want? How much money do I want to make? How many pounds do I want to lose? How fast do I want to run? What kind of car do I want to own? The second method answers a who question. Who is the person that my true self wants to become?
In the first method the goals always begin from outside of yourself. If you want to own a home that cost millions of dollars, then the first thing you need to do in the first method is a have a really clear picture of what that looks like. When you are set on it and have a time frame in mind, then who you are going to become is the person that can make enough money to buy a multimillion dollar home. That is who you become as a person.
In the second method the goal starts from the inside and then proceeds out. Who do I want to become as opposed to what do I want to have? In the first method who is decided by the thing you want to possess. In essence you become your house. In the second method you decide who you want to become and then the who seeks expression in the outer world. In the second method you are not your career like in the first method. You are who you choose to be and then that who decides on a path that may be a particular career.
The problem with the what do I want to have option of transformation is that when you pursue it, you don’t always end up liking the person you have become. For instance you have a good home to live in, but you despise your life. It seems like the way I am going with this framework is to try to lead others to the path of transformation that begins with the who questions. That would be a correct assumption and I am headed there, but life is not always an either or proposition. Usually the two are working harmoniously together to achieve the best possible end for you. For instance, if you weigh 150 kilos, having an identity about being healthy would be great, but you can also be really effective at losing a number on the weight scale so that you can actually be healthy. When the two methods work in the right order everything ends up marvelously. But if you go for just losing weight to get down to a number, but have not answered the who questions, then the person you end up with maybe just as bad off as the person with 150 kilos. This is why a large percentage of people on the “lose it fast” TV shows don’t keep it off.
There is a big big big problem with starting with who. It is so dangerous that even though I am suggesting people should start with the who, there is a huge CAUTION sign that goes with it. The huge caution is this. Who you want to become is not about choice. Even using the word want or thinking you have the slightest choice whatsoever about who you are supposed to become is like foul language. Who questions do not involve choice or want. Who questions involve submission. Submission is like sweet nectar to the Who questions.
If who you are going to become is about submitting, then what are you submitting to? The best way I can describe this is that we were all born uniquely with our own individual positive destinies. You have your own destiny. It is extremely positive and beneficial not only to yourself but to everyone else on the planet. The answers to a who question and how you go about becoming the who you were meant to become are always on the inside.
It is not as difficult to submit to the inner world as one might think. In fact it is quite simple. The reason that it is so so simple is because who you are becoming is changing all the time. The who question is not static or done one time in your life and then finished. It has to be asked at least everyday. If it were not so, then we would not be the amazing creations that we are. We would be rocks. Who questions work when we realize that we are dynamic, ever-changing, and full of unlimited potentialities.
This is how they work. You start by asking yourself this question. What is the biggest issue or problem that I have in my life right now at this very moment? There it is. It is that simple. Then you just have to answer the question.
“I am so worried that my guests are not going to like the dinner I serve.” “I am so fed up with my boss.” “I am so angry with my spouse.”
To do the transformation work you don’t need to list all your problems, just the biggest one. The reason that you need to pick the worst one is that you can only change one thing at a time about yourself and the worst one gives you the most positive effect in the outer world for that moment when it is transformed. The benefit of doing the change work with who questions is that whatever energy is released inside of you in a positive manner automatically generalizes to every part of your life. So, for instance, the problem may be with your boss, the benefits will show up at home as well as other parts of your life.
Once you have answered the worst issue question, then the next step is to find a positive solution to the issue. This gives you who you need to become right now. One of the most common issues people have is being worried about what other people think about them as if we need their approval. Probably most of the people on the planet have this issue. The solution to this issue is the belief that who you are on inside is absolutely incredible and needs no approval from anyone except yourself. When you can get that kind of belief about yourself, then it is just so easy to let go of the worry and need for approval.
Biggest issues are always about something outside of yourself that register inside with a big negative emotion. Solutions give you added capacity on the inside and always feel extremely positive when actuated. For instance, consider this issue. “My boss does not give due consideration to my ideas.” The negative feeling is anger toward the boss. The solution is to give your own ideas full consideration and then find an appropriate expression in the places where the ideas will be received with more openness.
Answering the who question in this first phase is an extremely powerful practice because it always keeps you in touch with change at any moment of your life and puts you in charge of the process. The next part of the change process is looking at how you got to the stuck place you are right now and some initial steps to get unstuck.