The Fallacy of Going for Love and Affection: Why We Should Go for Playfulness
Many of the people I get dreams from or work with in counseling sessions suffer from a kind of internal obsession, which I have had myself at times in my life, that believes that if we only have love and affection from someone, then our lives would really work and we would somehow my whole. In the midst of that belief this is what ACTUALLY happens step by step.
- First of all we start from a position of weakness in a relationship that says the other person has all of the love to give and I have nothing. The longing for love and affection is like believing that you are a dried up well that needs filling. When someone else fills it, then you will be ok. It is NOT such a strong position to start from.
- Sometimes you can get into a relationship and get your well filled up for a short time, but if you are internally a dried up well, people will abandon you sooner or later because they don’t want to have to continually hang with a dried up well. Seeking love and affection equals abandonment.
- When you get abandoned from others because of being a dried up well, then the tendency is to hide in the mind rather than living fully in the world. The mind becomes a safe place where you don’t have feel abandoned.
To get out of the pattern that ends up in abandonment there is an easy switch which works amazing well. Instead of believing that you need more love and affection, you can believe that you need more play. The difference between seeking love as if you are dried up well and being involved in more play is that play takes you out of your mind and puts you fully into your body in the present tense, the now. Not surprisingly when you are fully in your body, then you can connect with others more easily because you are a well that is full of positive energy.
It is a bit counter-intuitive but it explains why when you come home from stressful work where you have had to face a lot of harshness or rejection, that going out and exercising or playing re-energizes you when you are tired. The natural tendency after facing the negative world is to return home and believe that what you need is love. This is because the outside world has dried up your well. If it worked to get love from someone, it would be a great strategy, but it just doesn’t work. It just leaves you feeling abandoned.
Play re-engages yourself and puts you back into your body fully. It starts from inside of yourself and then connects you back to positive energy. When you are connected to your inner self, then you automatically with almost no effort connect to everyone around you.
So when you feel like your spouse or mother or father or someone doesn’t love you, then just make the mental switch and go for play. You will forget them and be connected with everyone around you.