Changing the “Getting Rid Of” Paradigm to the “Adding On” One.

When there a bully in the schoolyard, he takes advantage of the fact that most of the children have a lot of fear.  He can push his weight and size around because he is pretty certain no one is going to challenge him.  He gains access to the feeling of power and getting what he wants.   In the traditional approach to dealing with the bully, the bully is the problem that the school has to get rid of.    A lot of effort is put into disciplining the bully.     What isn’t so apparent is that the bully is only taking advantage of the fact that there is a huge amount of fear.      If the school were filled with the virtue of courage,  the energy it doesn’t have now,  then the bully could be easily taken care of.

Courage is the capacity to go for a particular goal where there is a risk involved.    If you just look at the above scenario in terms of the bully, then you don’t see that the people in the environment do not have the virtue of going after goals where there is some risk involved.   They shrink into fear because of the risk, and then the bully has its way.    If the environment promoted courage, a place where people could takes risks safely,  then bullies would go away on their own.    Schools traditionally don’t promote courage or taking risks.  They do the opposite.  They promote conformity and following the rules because the ability to take risks is such a threat to the established ways of doing things.   If you can promote courage, then when you get rid of the bully, he stays away.

Counseling Work with Richard Hastings

When people have on-going digestion problems,  they have a tendency to go for physical remedies like antacids or digestive enzymes or other medications.     The first place they go shopping for a remedy is the medical one.  The idea is to get rid of the digestive issue and return to the good ole days when you could eat anything at anytime.      What if the fear was the cause of digestive issues, that is,  that you live in such a state of fear that the body’s digestive processes just don’t work well?     Medication, when there is fear involved,  just gets you relief for a time.    Your system can go back to where it was temporarily.    After some time, however, the physical remedies stop working, the problems return, and the fear is as present as ever.    This happens because the fear which comes from the ego is insistent.  It isn’t going to go away by physical means.   It is has an emotional cause rooted in some experiences.   It calls for a new capacity, a new energy,  or virtue because the person living with the fear is not fit spiritually to participate fully in what life is asking of him/her.    Maybe the person needs determination, but is fearful that going forward means being treated unjustly by bad leadership.    If this were the case, then as soon as determination is in place and the fear is gone, then the digestive enzymes would start working because the body would not be held in a tension filled state from fear anymore.

The logic of this approach is so simple and easy to understand.   The physical problems are mostly held in by negative emotional patterns.     Fear, anxiety, grief, anger, disappointment, frustration and jealousy cause the body to hold negative tension which cause physical problems.    When you replace the ego patterns with higher new ones such as compassion, honesty,  generosity,  wisdom, and patience,  then the body releases its tension filled energy with new energy that is healthier.


The higher energy is the lure to us.    Our spiritual qualities are our purpose in life that never stop developing..  Life is about constant change and transformation everyday.   Who you are today will be asked to change tomorrow to someone even better.   It doesn’t ever stop.   The higher being, your spirit, will be asking you to change.   It will show you your places of change in your negative emotional patterns and the bodies reaction to them.    What is your life needing right now to make it work?   Where are you being challenged?     Get out of the old pattern of trying to return to an old state of being.  Advance to the new state.

What holds true for the individual also holds true for humanity?   Some leaders are gaining a lot of support these days by trying to get people to go back to old worn-out ideologies like nationalism and racism and sexism because they feel so utterly incompetent in a world based upon cooperation, respect for the rights of others,  equity, and lifting the downtrodden for the same reason that the bully in the schoolyard doesn’t want to have to share a swing.   The bully just wants to be able to have the swing whenever it pleases.   He is scared to death of having to share.

A lot of people are going to go kicking and screaming into the world of equality and unity and will experience a lot of pain in the process, but the higher self of the world is moving to higher energy.  It isn’t going backwards.   It is only going to go forward.    Shouldn’t you be doing the same in your life? Find the virtue that is calling to you and let it develop without so much resistance.     Try some tranquility for a change.  Or maybe some tolerance.   And by the way,  tonight when you dream, your dreams will be showing you the way.


5 Comments on “Changing the “Getting Rid Of” Paradigm to the “Adding On” One.”

  1. Reblogged this on A Dreamwork Blog and commented:
    This article by Richard Hastings is about bullying in the school yard but I’m sure the same solution applies when the bully is in a family or in a workplace. The bully figures out that those around them in the family have a lot of fear and uses that to their advantage to get their own way. If the other family members or the other co-workers had a lot of Courage then the bully would go away. Dynamics in families are different than in schools or workplaces but I’m sure the solution is the same: less fear, more Courage.

  2. Thanks Richard. Very enlightening.
    My recurring anger bursts may be the death throes of my bully-within. Though he sure is consistent and persistent – or or that insistent? As I s-l-o-w-l-y accept my loss of power, partly due to an aging body, but mostly via my growing faith in God’s omnipotence, I feel angry, as if it is somehow totally unfair. Perhaps it is just a call to acceptance or humility, or to unity and tranquility. Whichever – are you saying that it is my resistance that is feeding this inner jihad ? That I simply need to “let it develop” ? Whatever “it” is…. Hmmm…… my guess is that under the anger is fear. It just bubbles away like background static. Has done most of my life (and yes, it most likely has ruined my digestion too) Altho’ it is a generalisation, maybe I am just being called to love God, love myself, to trust etc.. to move forward or “add on”. Yet, and perhaps, my fear has deep roots in a past trauma, when I did trust /love God more… and so on. What really caught my eye in your great sharing was the idea of a “place where people can take risks safely”….Hmmm….. sounds oxymoronic unless I consider my lingering tendency to take risks – recklessly !? Any advice is welcome. Cheers.

    • The bully within is a protective mechanism that keeps the positive risk taking you from coming out. You bully yourself into keeping the more risk-taking, trusting self from going for it. Most likely this has to do with bad experiences in risk taking, maybe reckless risk-taking or being squashed for risk taking.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: