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Dreams For Peace
Dream Interpretation, Therapy, Transformation
Richard Hastings
Richard Hastings is an expert in change work and dream work and author of Dreams for Peace. He is a Baha'i and currently lives in Vancouver, BC. Read more...
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Dreams For Peace 
hey! My boyfriend recently had this dream…
He said that he heard something from the kitchen then he closed his eyes and the shadow was on the ceiling. After he seen the shadow he couldn’t move. And he would talk but it was really hard. And after he seen the shadow on the ceiling it was next to him. My boyfriend would try to poke me try to get me to wake me up but was not successful. However he said he thought it was a dream but it was really realistic. What can this mean?
This is a response to the dream Gabriela sent.
Gabriela, In this dream the shadow represents your boyfriend’s ego or dark side. We all have a shadow and it always follows us wherever we go. Some people pay so much attention to their shadow side that it seems that their shadow is their real self. Your boyfriend is like this. What he needs to do is pay more attention to his true self, which is more like a bright light in him. The true self is the sum of all of one’s positive qualities and the behaviors they do to help other people in the world. The dark side is the side that is based in fear that can lead to a lot of really negative behavior if it is not changed. The reason we all have shadows is so that we can see that we have weaknesses where we need to grow, but the shadow is not us really. It helps us change, but the real self is all positive.
Dear Richard, Am just waking up from bed now with a very disturbing dream, which is why I want to find out what it means. In the dream am walking on the grass, by our general hospital the hospital is sorrounded by tall trees, out of a sudden I see hips of green snakes untangling and scattering every where, I start to run away from the grass on to the road, then one of the snakes get stuck in the ropes of my sandals and stinks my left heel. There were some nursing students around one of them pulled it off and surpported me limping to the hospital where a nurse pressed the vernom out.
This is a response to Irene’s dream,
Hi Irene, Even though this dream was disturbing to you, it gives you the first signs of a lot of positive growth ahead if you do the right things. The hospital is a place of healing so if you think of this dream in the context of being healed, it will really help you a lot. It is as if you need healing and then great things will happen to you. The tall trees represent growth in a positive and honest manner. The green color of the snakes also mean growth. It is as if everything in the dream is pointing toward your growth in the dream.
Snake dreams are always about making a transformation in a big way from the way you are acting now to another way. It always requires a big change of behavior that makes all the difference in your life. In this case there are a lot of green snakes and they bite your foot, which makes it difficult to get anywhere. You have to go for healing. Snakes that are poisonous in dreams almost always represent malicious gossip or backbiting for the purpose of the advancement of others in a dishonest manner. It makes it difficult for you to progress. The change is to do exactly the opposite of the malicious behavior which is to be positive to others by seeing the best in them and acknowledging what you see by telling them. There is nothing more powerful to stimulate growth than to be involved in finding the positive in others and saying it. You can start by making a goal of acknowledging the positive you see in a few people. Then each day increase the goal like you would a fitness goal. It won’t be long before the whole environment is transformed because of you.
Hi Richard,
Last night I dreamt that I was with a small group of people and was taking a class outdoors. I found myself sitting, my upper body above the desert ground and my lower body in water. I remember wondering if we were the only people to know there was ocean under the desert. Then, I found myself romantically sitting like this with a man. An old teacher of mine came from the clouds and gave us blue flowers. Aside from a peaceful feeling, this is as much as I remember.
Thank you for the opportunity for an interpretation! Perhaps this piece of information might help.. I moved to the Nevada desert three months ago after living in north east US.
Brittany
This is a response to Brittany’s dream.
Hi Brittany. This is such a positive dream. It can really serve as motivation for you to encourage yourself and help a lot of people. The desert is a symbol of the way the culture is now. It is as if it is barren of spirit and depth. What you recognize is that right under their feet is a vast ocean of positive spirit that can grace their lives in so many ways. All they have to do is what you do which is to attend to the spirit and ignore the desert, then intimacy and beauty surround you. Your work is obviously to help people find the spiritual world.
I had a dream that my boyfriend came to visit me for the first time im in a long distance relationship and I have never met him in person so I was thrilled to see him in my dream just that in my dream he was taller and he had these big muscles and had a confident and had this bad boy personality, he isn’t like that at all and I don’t wish to see him like that, but why would I dream about him this way?
This is a reply to Martha’s dream,
The fear you have which is in the other dream as well is that, because of your distance, you are fearful that he is going to end up being something different than you think he is when you get together. This is something that your mind does to you because you are not used to having a relationship that works out really well. You need to trust yourself by reading his character when you speak to him. That is how you will know whether it will be good or not. Be confident in yourself.
This dream has been going through my thoughts a lot lately? I’ve also had dreams of him having an affair with other woman I always catch him in my dreams? Or him having a baby with other woman ? What are my dreams implying?
Martha, Just believe that you are really good in a relationship and that is why he is attracted to you.
Hi Richard, that’s a dream that I have seen for about two-three times. It begins like this. I am in the side of a wide pool in a wide house. I talk with my crush and then my dead grandmother comes and pushes us in the pool. But, before we fall in the water, the water gets replaced by feces. And we fall in poo. It may sounds silly, but I really get scared of that dream.
This is a response to Billy Bob’s dream,
Billy Bob, A normal pool with warm waters is a symbol of positive relations. Water is a relational symbol. When you are pushed into a relationship by your grandmother, then the relationship turns really bad. There is something about the energy of your deceased grandmother that is not positive that pushes you into relationships that turn to feces. Grandmother’s can be symbols for inherited qualities within a family that are negative which, in this case, push you into the wrong relationships. I think it has to do with believing that the person you are going to have the relationship with is going to make your life for you. When you believe that, the relationship turns from clear warm water to poo. What you should believe about a relationship is that you have as much to offer the other as they do to you.
Last night I saw in my dream that I was in my primary school building, but now I’m a 10th grade student. I wanted to go upstairs but the steps were really wide. When I got upstairs, I couldn’t see the balcony, instead I saw a class made of wood and inside it there were a lot of children, most of them my classmates. When I got downstairs, to the yard, there were my friends, but I didn’t matter a lot. I just saw three of them. My “red haired” friend was crying and a “blonde” one was by her side. She didn’t say why she was crying. I turned away my head, but when I looked back to them, my “red haired” friend, was replaced by another girl, who was my friend in the past, but now we just talk to each other. I would really like to read your interpretation!
This is a response to Jenny’s dream,
Jenny, What you learned in primary school was that school was about advancing upward. It was a hard process for you that wasn’t necessarily all that great for you. What they don’t teach very well in school which is actually more of a key to a successful life about the importance of how to have great relationships. You actually achieve a lot more in the world by the quality of your relationships. When you add technical abilities and other learning onto really great relationships, then your life will be amazing and you will be able to achieve whatever you set out to achieve. Right now the focus is more on relationships than the other learning.
Richard,
Last night I dreamed of going into an enormous lecture hall in a university to complete a test. A young TA brought me in and sat me down. I was a little surprised that there was some noise and movement from others in the room, not very studious, but I didn’t feel nervous or feel that I needed quiet for concentration.
She gave me the paper for the test and I sat down at a seat to write it. It was not complicated in the questions but it was not clear how to record my answers correctly. I found myself reading the question repeatedly and looking at the sheet over and over – I knew the answer but the way the answer sheet was designed was not set up for me to be able to put in the right answer.
So I just kept reading it over and over, figuring there must be a way, somehow.
This is a response to Rachel’s dream.
Hi Rachel, This is how unversity’s are set up. It is like writing a thesis, for instance. You know the material and can use it effectively in daily practice, but they want you to write a paper where you are not going to be successful. That is how they keep their jobs because really they cannot apply anything.
So why do you have the dream? The dream wants you to know that the really good stuff is somewhere else.
Dear Richard,
I have just received a dream that has been bouncing around in my mind because I’ve never remembered a dream before.
It begins like this: It was my last day with my friends before I moved to a different country and I had bough gifts for all of them. I was giving Isabelle, Luke and Krista music boxes with a custom tune when my friend Nick says my name. I turn around and he is saying that he wanted to say goodbye. I remembered that I had something for him too.
I pulled a blue plastic roll of special wooden carvings that I carved from hand. He thanked me about a million times and when I told him it was no problem he put his hand on my head and rubbed my head. As he was doing this I could all of a sudden hear a soft music box playing in the background.
Yeah I know this might be just a strange dream that has no real meaning but I just wanted to make sure.
Thanks
This is a response to Annie’s dream,
Annie, I love this dream a great deal. It shows that when you remember what people mean to you in a positive way and show your appreciation, it is like hearing the music of their souls resonating inside of you. When you to go a new country or do something new where there are a lot of new people, it sometimes can be lonely in the first few months. Your dreams reminds you that you not only make good friends, but you really appreciate them. This is music to your soul.
April 19, 2015. Hi my name is Avery Yarbrough and during my dream today i was on some kind of Indian Reservation with about 7 or 8 different kids all around ages 16-18. We were supposedly in a tribe that consisted of one Alpha, one Beta, and one like Chief Elder and we all lived in on huge house on the hill, except for the Chief. We had some kind of powers, not really supernatural powers like shooting out of our hands or anything but we were super strong and fit. We were strong and we would lift, run obstacle courses, and do activities all day, and the Tribe consisted of both male and females. In my dream the Alpha was really strong, not too stronger than myself but he was strong. He was like the nephew of the Chief Elder, who was like an old lady with face markings and like the spiritual stick and the whole nine yards. Well through extraneous amount of training, the Chief elder came to our reservation while we were all training and ask the Beta, me, if i wanted to become the Alpha. I said heck yes, but the current Alpha didn’t like that at all. Be that as it may, they have no say on whether or not it happens, there is just this ritual that before it does happen the Alpha must give the Beta one more task and he or she must complete it in order to be the Alpha. So feeling the way he did about me, the Beta, becoming the Alpha, he gave me an impossible task of doing 1000 backflips from off of this tree stump. I told him it was impossible but he still made me do it. So i start doing my backflips and each time i fail (because i cant do backflips) and hit the ground my ‘heath bar’ that appears on my screen which is really just in my head goes down a little more and more. Well it reaches danger red level and I’m just laying there. Now when the health bar reaches danger red level its a very bad critical level and very dangerous. my tribe mates and Alpha doesn’t know however how far down my health is so they’re just starring at me while I’m on the ground not moving, borderline unconscious. So what happens in danger red level is and what happened was, an alarm started to go off and my body became limp. Everyone started screaming and crying, and yelling in a frenzy and yelling to getting my body on a stretcher to give me the medicine that was back in our house. It was danger level because if this was not done within one minute than I would’ve died. So as much people as possible began gathering everything needed to get me away fast as possible and the people who didn’t have anything to do were yelling and crying and pushing the Alpha asking why would he do that and he was just standing there in shock as if he couldn’t believe this is happening. The stairway to the house on the hill people were punching things like walls because they were so mad this is happening and people were throwing up at the thought Id might die it was a very sad occasion, and we were all like family. Well when my physical body went through the door i switched characters and i became the old Alpha. The Chief and I was at the top of the stairs and she was asking me questions on why’d I do it, and if i know what has to happen now . We would have to go down the large amount of stairs which seems really high and scary to me and i would have to go away forever. I was sad and crying and apologetic but i knew it had to be done, so i carried the Chief to the car after falling down enough of the stairs, but her in the Car and we drove off. Then i woke up 🙂 usually i would let a lot of my dreams just passover but i couldn’t just let this one go. I haven’t been having a whole lot of dreams lately but every time i do have one that i fluently remember more often than not, it has some kind of wolf in it with Indian people. I don’t know if you recall the last dream i submitted a while ago. Anyway, if you could tell me whats up that would be great and much appreciated, thanks!
This is a response to Avery’s dream,
Hi Avery,
This is a very important dream because it shows the problem of the way the world is currently organized. The dream is really positive until you get into the alpha and beta thing. Then everything goes bad. When everyone has a lot of super powers and strengths, then everyone goes about doing their thing in a positive way, but when there is the seeking of the top spot, then all kinds of bad things happen. So imagine that the group of people are a wolf pack. In the animal world, there is an alpha wolf and other wolves competing to be alphas, but in the spiritual world or inner world there is no need to differentiate place in a pack. The spiritual world is timeless and place-less, which means that there is no on top and underneath. It is the problem we have in the world with artists and athletes. We have a show like American Idol that rewards one person for being on top and then all the other artists are left struggling to eke out a living. In sport there are probably 10,000 really great athletes for every NBA star, but it is only a few people who makes huge amounts of money. The other ones don’t make anything. Of the thousands of really good tennis players in the world, only about 100 can make a decent living. If you are #1, you live like a king, but if you are 150, you struggle to get to tournaments.
Anyway, all that to say that when you have a super power, like being strong at something, you have to detach yourself from comparing and going for the alpha. As soon as you go for alpha you are the road to losing your powers. It is the super powers that attract blessings and grace. When you go for alpha, the spiritual world turns away from supporting the super powers. This is when grace is removed.
The way to live in grace is to be thankful always for the blessings of the super powers and use them to benefit others. Then it is like they never stop getting better. The goal is to keep developing the super powers.
Hi Richard,
Last night I had a real mix of positive and negative images.
In one dream, I had my hands on a steering wheel and was looking so closely at it. Maybe there were sparkles or something very interesting in the detailing of the wheel.
In another part, I am in a large school and a guy I am dating was in the school too. We’d seen one another for a quick moment in the morning and then had different things to do in different rooms for most of the day. But I walked into a room and I could tell he had been there and it made me happy. Also I felt as though as he moved around the building I knew what he was doing and where he was going. He makes people happy everywhere he goes so thinking about him interacting with all these children really made me smile.
Later, (at lunch break) we were standing near one another. He is a really tall guy but when I’m beside him I don’t feel small. Yet I didn’t know if he noticed me there as he was talking to someone and from my perspective when I’m standing beside him I am looking right at his armpit, so it’s not easy to get eye contact. For a moment the view flips from close up from my eyes and then back as if I’m watching a movie. My wish is to give him a “hi, how are you” hug and not interrupt his conversation really and then go back to work. When I feel this hope then even without looking at me he just wraps his arm around me and pulls me close and I hug his stomach and rest my head for a moment. Warmth. Ah!
Then I go on my way back to work down the hall.
In another part of the dream, I’m outside in the school yard. At one point there are no children, just me and an open soccer field, at another point it is filled with children other teachers on yard duty, etc.
My ex appears, suddenly storming across the yard. He approaches me and I am on the other side of the fence. The fence and our position flicks back and forth a bit….first I’m in the yard and he’s out then he’s in the yard and I’m out…and then we are both in the yard and he is saying something or other. I summon all my force and reply back (with anger 😦 ) something such as…..”I WAS OPEN TO YOU BEING A CO-PARENT!!! IT WAS YOUR BEHAVIOUR THAT MADE IT SO I COULD NOT ACCOMPANY YOU!!!)…..and also something about waiting…maybe I said “I am waiting for you to get it together so I can accompany you…..and also If I waited for you to get it together I’d be waiting a life time. It’s never going to change.” Something like that.
So then he backs off, first in the playground then on the other side of the fence, and I am in the fence with the school behind me and I stare at him as though to give him the look, “I just dare you to try to push me again!” and he backs off muttering to someone how “crazy” I am and look how inappropriate I am or whatever. I see him in his black shirt from the first year of our marriage when I used to encourage him a lot to be a better person, and I see his old glasses and remember how I used to tell him when what he was doing needed improvement,etc. And I am glad that taking care of him is not my role anymore and I let it go. I let him go.
Dear Nancy,
When you are in a car driving in a dream, it us about how you get to where you want to go in your daily or short term life. So you can say that the dream is trying to teach you something about how you can get to where you want to go. The problem is that you have a child in your lap, which is illegal when you are driving. The reason that the child won’t go away is because she has the spiritual energy that you need in your life to get where you want to go. It is best to think of it this way. While you cannot have a child on your lap while driving in the material world, you can have the child’s energy in your spiritual world, in your spiritual self. This is what you need. A child’s energy combines playfulness, curiosity, and freely experimenting. When you have this, everything will work.
The struggle that you have with this, according to the dream, is whether or not it is legal and appropriate to have child-like energy.
Since I am also a Physical Education teacher by profession, what I am going to suggest is that you get involved in some type of sport or dance so that you can practice playing more and the release the energy in you.
If you have any other questions, you can ask in this section or at dreamsforpeace@gmail.com.
Richard
Dear Richard,
I just discovered your page. I believe in dreams as sometimes they eventually happen to me in real life. Here is a dream I had last night.
I got into the car to go somewhere…. I don’t know… maybe the Baha’i Centre. On my way my friends’ little girl jumps on my lap as I drive and is very happy sitting there. She is distracting me, and I say to her; ‘Nadia we need to get you to the back seat, it is not safe for you to sit on my lap. Also the police might arrest us.’ She is all giggly and happy as little girls are. Then I look at her closely for a moment, she does not have underwear on and I freak out that she will wet me… but then I notice that her breasts are on her navel… I am even more puzzled… in the process we arrive at a crossroads, very muddy and slippery, there has been an accident, someone has been knocked, an old woman, but she is just rolling in mud. I am worried that maybe I am the one who knocked her, as Nadia had been distracting me all along, police are all over, I try to get Nadia to the back seat but she wont budge… and people come to surround us… but then I realise that I am not the one who has knocked the lady… so much confusion… more police cars… not so clear what happens next… I still see Nadia’s happy face… But again I see my late husband’s face and he is sad…
I must have woken up… I would love to hear your interpretation.
Thank you Richard. I’ll consider how your feedback applies to what I’m working on today.
Rachel,
In this dream is good to think of yourself as the bird. This will deal with the closed in feeling as well as being able to fly. You have to bring the bird to health.
Thank you RIchard for the insight into some difficulties I am having with being closed in as a result of not having my own spiritual space as a child because others closed in on me. I am interested in considering ways to deal with the issue of being closed in that goes back to childhood.
I consider this post in connection to the other statement you said which is to have confidence things will work out if I stay with the process long enough.
That also gives me something to think about.
Here is another dream, which seems to be related again to the closed in feeling from childhood.
In my dream last night, I am working in a crowded house (again!) and am moving and sorting a lot of items. Some of the things moving are as large as wall-sized pieces of dry wall that had been stored in the house for renovation but now are not going to be used and are being distributed elsewhere.
The feeling is as though I am a foreman on a construction site and I have no emotional attachment to anything and a concept of the big picture of where things are going and what the desired outcome is for the project. But then someone, a supervisor on site, indicates to me they found something I need to see. They bring me over to another room where there is a beautiful green and blue bird in a cage in a corner. It flops around a bit as we enter the room.
Several things happen at once – I notice that the bird’s wings seem too big for its body and the supervisor who is showing me her is saying things like she can trim the bird’s wings before letting it fly . She says the bird is 10 years old and is a bit neglected so the wings were not trimmed when they were supposed to be. Then as we go nearer to the cage, we see she has wrapped her wings around a salt and pepper shaker. I am really emotionally torn up by this and the supervisor says it is clear that the bird misses her babies which were taken away from her recently. I keep staring at that little bird holding the salt and pepper shakers and really related to the feeling of her babies being taken away.
I want to take care of this bird. I agree to what the supervisor is saying – to do what needs to be done to help this bird fly.
In the dream, I am in a house, a small war-time house, and there are a lot of people and families gathered – like how some do every 19 days or so. I cannot connect with anyone because of all the movement of the children, the noise, etc so i move to the kitchen to see if i can help the host. When I’m there i realize the host is no where to be found and i have a feeling like I am the host. then the door knocks and it is another family with 4 children. they are just happy to be here and I’m thinking, “oh my gosh no – not more!” they come and start taking off their shoes and their dad is just talking away and all the while i’m thinking/feeling like we’ve reached the tipping point for the capacity in the place.
This is for Rachel, You have some difficulties like in the last dream with being closed in. In this case it has to do with too many children. This is because you didn’t have your own spiritual space as a child. Others always closed in on you. Being closed in means not having spiritual space. Physical space opens after you deal with the child issue of being closed in. Then you will be able to invite a lot of childhood feelings in rather than feeling undone by them.
Hi! I saw in my dream that I was leaving a church. Then, while I was walking down the street I came across an old friend of mine. I haven’t seen her for 1,5 year and as I know she is always in home. She told me “I’m going to buy some things. Can you come along? Cause I’m afraid to walk alone”. I said yes and we went together. As we were walking, we saw a brown dog. She started running, she got scared, and the dog chase her. I began running with her, but I was not scared.
Dear Gina,
This is an example of how you can help someone like your old friend. There are a lot of people who are fearful that bad things are going to happen like they are going to be attacked. What happens is that they have a very difficult time being friendly with themselves. It is as if everyone has a dog inside of themselves that represents friendship, but when you don’t relate to the dog as a friend, then the dog turns on you and is aggressive by being attacking of you and saying all kinds of bad things. Then you get to be afraid to go out and do all kinds of things. You, however, are not like that. You have the ability to be the friendly dog to others which allows them to get where they want to go. The way to help others in this regard is to be really friendly and remind them of their positive qualities. This is what it means to be a true Christian or a true believer in any religion.
Hi RIchard,
In the first part of the dream, I am on a very, very tall stool, that is about 2 storrey’ high. (It seems there may be someone beside me also on one but it is hard to balance and requires all my focus so I don’t see details of the person beside me). When it is hard to balance the perspective shifts from looking out of my own eyes and I am trying with hands and feet to manuavre on this small area to stay steady. The feeling is exhilarating actually. There is absolutely no risk of me falling, so it is more like a game of just seeing how steady I can be. When I get balanced and am somewhat comfortable, at rest/at ease, then the perspective shifts to my watching myself from very far away, a bit as though I was watching myself on a movie screen.
In another part of the dream, I am in a house, a bit cluttered, and brainstorming renovations for my grand-father to live there. At first it seems it is too cluttered for him and his companion and I get that old feeling of claustrophobia when I see the small size of the rooms and the many pieces of furniture and consider that he won’t let me get rid of the furniture because of his fear of needing it later or attachment to it for sentimental reasons, or whatever. Anyway, then he goes out for a drive and it is just me and a companion consulting on making the space livable for him.
We stand in this small livingroom area and finally an idea clicks about putting the loose chairs downstairs, where to put a TV for him to watch, and how to place two new chairs for him and his guest/room-mate. And it will work so we get excited and start moving things around ready to store them, etc.
Then someone comes out of the kitchen, not my mom but someone like her. She says Grandpa went to the bank and withdrew money and went shopping. He withdrew $700 which for him was just a small amount of money but for the account it was a lot because there was only $800ish in it. Oh boy, I thought, now what. THere is no way he will return what he bought, and no way he will put money back. Now what?
When he shows up back in the house (and this feeling is so strong is really feels as if I spent time with my Grandpa – who I love so much – last night!)…anyway, when he returns and I am thinking how to tell him he has to put the money back he is smiling and laughing and he gives me a gold coin, a really very rare and valuable coin. He is going on and on about this good deal he got so now even though he spent a lot of money on it, the value of it increases moment to moment and whenever I turn it in it will be worth more than if I had kept money in the bank.
So I hold the coin and it is really beautiful and exquisite. I look at him in his happiness and joy and I feel like crying with love. He is wearing his yellow Lion’s coat – he is so happy. It is such an amazing gift he gave me. I wonder if he realizes just how deeply meaningful it is. I am so stunned with happiness I can’t decide to hug him or pocket the coin or keep re-arranging the room or what….I just stand there in stunned happiness, listening to his happy banter of his stories along the way.
This is for Rachel, This dream is about being confident that things will work out if you stay with the process long enough.
Hello, my name is Kim Rigby, I had the weirdest dream last night… I was my boyfriend and a few friends that I’ve never seen before, and there was some bad people, think we were all in a house, my boyfriend and friends were getting attacked, I tried to help my boyfriend and ended up getting threatened and tied up. then my boyfriend was giving me a look like (you shouldn’t have tried to help me) he couldn’t save me, then I managed to escape I don’t remember how. Then I was running, really far, I think I was on mars… It was a bit like a dessert. There was loads of big planets in front of me, then some sort of an explosion happened, it was very colourful and there was a weird thing in front of me that I can’t explain. It was like nothing I’ve ever seen before. And then I picked something up that I don’t think I was meant to pick up and then my boyfriend and my friends went past me on something (like what they drive about in at golf) and then I woke up… Do you have any idea what this dream means? It was a little scary.
I hope to hear back from you… Thanks
Kim Rigby
This is a response to Kim’s dream,
Hi Kim, The context of the dream is being with your boy friend. So basically it says that when your boyfriend is attacked and you try to intervene and help, that a lot of bad things happen and you end up as though you were on a distant planet. What this means is that his issues or problems belong to him, not you. They are his business not yours. When you intervene, then you suffer his consequences rather than him being able to suffer the consequences for his own problems. His problems happen when he is with his friends because that combination attracts a kind of bad situation for him. When you realize that his problems are his problems and not your own, you can have a lot more choice about your life and what you want to do. Then everything will be a lot more positive as if it is really familiar rather than a distant planet. I would avoid hanging with him when he is with his friends. Let him deal with the bad stuff that is going to happen when he is with them.