The Mother of All Fears: Exclusion
I have been working on this theory for quite some time now and I have not found any cases where it does not work well. The theory is that the core fear behind every kind of fear such as fear of heights, fear of the dark, fear of closed in spaces, fear of making mistakes, fear of losing, etc., is the fear of being excluded, abandoned, left out. When children come into this world, they are given a mother who has two breasts that nurture the child from day one. The first goal of every child is to latch on to his mother’s breasts and then become extremely close to her in a love bond. When this is done successfully, children become free to explore and learn about the world around them. When the bond is broken such as in being abandoned or when a mother is sick and unavailable for long periods, then the bond is damaged. It is then replaced with fear of one kind or another as a kind of coping device.
It happens in school the same way it happens at home. When there is a strong bond between the teacher and the student, the student works like crazy because of the love bond. The result is great achievement. Nothing great is ever achieved unless there is love.
In my opinion, the thing that has happened to the world is that many people who have breaks in the bonding process have arisen to positions of power in governments, communities, schools, and businesses. Instead of being in love with what they are doing and creating bonds of friendship and cooperation among others, the great tendency is for them to advance on the backs of others, i.e. on pointing out the weaknesses of others, while making others believe they are superior. Once in power they consistently use the one weapon for which most people have a lot of fear, exclusion. When they have to power to eliminate you, decrease your influence, or take your authority away, they use it without hesitation. This is because they have no bonds, no attachments. When you are bonded to others, firing or eliminating is excruciating pain because you are in love with them and don’t want to break it off.
People without attachments can fire at will and restructure, while giving themselves huge bonuses because they have no feelings for others. They only are addicted to power and the adrenaline of making a big score. If you have a hard time firing someone, then something is so totally right about you. You can attach to others and work closely with them cooperatively and harmoniously. The power seekers would have you believe that you are just not tough enough for leadership, but the fact of the matter is, power seekers are extremely fearful all the time that someone else is going to take their position. Much of their negative behavior is about jealousy. Instead of seeing others as friends and helpmates, they regard them as threats.
So when you have any fear, the first question always is how am I being excluded?
Suppose that you are fearful of traveling which makes you just stay in your house all the time instead of being adventurous. When you ask the question how was I excluded, then all kinds of things of interesting things come up.
The world’s most pressing needs are love, unity, and cooperation. Everything else is secondary. If you are not going for making the world a more loving and cooperative place, then you are fearful of being eliminated. It is really that simple. But don’t take my word for it. Try it out on some of your fears and you will find that love is always there begging to come out.