A couple of weeks ago I was in Singapore to do a dream meeting in one our very good friend’s home.    I have done a lot of dream meetings in Asia and it never fails that  people from Chinese origin have similar themes in their dreams.  Below is one of those dreams.

I was walking down a dirt path when I came upon a two story house.  In the house there was a man with shot gun. He was on the top floor of the house, had his shot gun out and was trying to shoot me.  When I looked at the man, I saw that it was my husband.  I tried to get away and then I woke up.

This is as universal as it gets for a woman living in a Chinese home.  Please forgive the negative generalization, but it is characteristic of almost every Chinese relationship that I have met.   In the relationship between a man a woman,  men always see themselves as higher than women.  In this dream the man is on the second floor while the women is below.   It shows how men see themselves and how women experience the inequality. Men are on top.  Women are below.   Wherever I go in Asia I always tell people that the number one issue is Asia is the inequality between men and women.

It is a strange thing for me.   In the 1950s when I was growing up in America,  we were transitioning from this model.  I think that most of the people I knew grew up in households where men thought of themselves as superior, but this was never the case in my home.  My mother and father were equal even though my father was the primary provider.   They both had their own voice that wasn’t always the same.     So I always feel a bit strange when people from Asia tell me their stories.   I never wanted to be the God of my home because I knew the value of equality.

Yet in almost every Chinese home, the women and children complain that their father is aloof, very demanding including not allowing others to have their own opinion,  and never allowing others to choose their own life path.   Men take the place of God only in a negative way because God were never act as badly as they do.

In the dream the woman is trying to walk down a road which means that she is trying to go down her own life path.   This is a process that every single human being goes through.   They are called internally to follow their path.  But in this dream, the woman is being shot at by her husband.  This is because the husband is extremely jealous of his power and position.  After all he believes that he is God and has the right to choose everyone’s path.   So if a woman begins traveling down her own path,  she is shot down.

Many men believe that they have the right to control the lives of others which includes the right to become extremely angry and even use violence to keep the women and children in line.    Let’s face it.  If you are God by cultural birthright,  are you going to give it up easily?    I don’t think so.  It is very difficult for a man who has tasted power to relinquish it for equality because he just feels more superior and more powerful than others.

He doesn’t see that a relationship based upon equality is much more powerful and capable of doing more because that is not his concern.   He, for the most part, is drunk and addicted to power.

What can a woman do who is faced with this kind of power?    The answer is fairly simple, but also very difficult to do.    What she can do is realize that her path is given to her by the one true God and not by the false god living in the house.     She can also realize that in the house where the false god lives, there is no space for her own true self.   The only space available is for the ego of the husband.    When she steps away from that house and follows her own path, she will find a new self, a new house which is based upon equality between all people.      The husband can choose to enter that new house only by giving up his attachment to being a false god.

It is extremely difficult for men until they begin to believe in equality. It also takes a lot of courage for women to leave their old selves and walk a new path.    Men usually don’t get it because the life of privilege is too tempting.

The problem with most men in this situation is that they wake up one day and find that they are all alone and don’t have a clue about why.    This is because of one very powerful spiritual principle. You cannot be guided by the true God or by the spiritual world until you give up your own godhood.   You will be left alone, separated from others, which is unfortunately the case of so many Chinese men.

Once again, I am sorry about the generalization because I have met some wonderful Chinese men who have embraced equality and then become wonderful fathers and husbands, but the problem is still very much at epidemic levels.

So depending upon which side of the equation you are, you can ask one of the following two questions.

1.  How can I develop the courage to walk my own path?

2.  How can I give up trying to be God in my relationships?   You usually know that you are trying to be God when you have a lot of anger when people don’t do what you want them to do.  This usually happens to me when I am working with children.     What I have found that works for me to get off the god stool is to just say to myself that whatever I did with the children is not working, that I can just let it go and change what I am doing.    As soon as I do this it always works.