When Jealousy Strikes
A couple of nights ago I had two dreams related to the effects on me of other people’s jealousy. In the first dream someone who was part of my past had been accused of a murder and the clues of the murder were left in the food lying around. Not long after that in the same evening of sleep I dreamt that I was in a very dark labyrinth of rooms where I was full of tension and fearful of really bad things happening.
So when I woke up I traced my life back to the person in my past and realized that there was a time when this person committed murder to the relationship with me by distancing themselves from me. The food indicated that the diet of this person was very restrictive as if they were fearful of trying a lot of new things. At that time in my life I was trying out new relationships and also achieving a great deal by way of grades, athletic honours, and leadership. So the dream was telling me something that I didn’t understand before, that this person committed murder to the relationship because of feeling jealous. At the time, and up until now, I was oblivious to the jealousy meaning that it was having an unconscious effect on me, but I didn’t recognize that it was happening.
The purpose of the dreams seems to be to show me what happens to me when jealousy strikes. I go into a completely dark space full of fear with the dread something bad is going to happen. Over the next couple of days after the dream, I started tracking other times in my life when the relationship with certain people was murdered because of jealousy. Each time I was left with the dreadful fear that bad things are about to happen.
Transforming the fear has been a two part process. First was the recognition that when I am doing my best and progressing significantly in a way that shows outwardly and gains recognition, jealousy appears in the form of murder (change of the relationship in a negative way). One of the ways that I have come now to recognize people who are overcome with jealousy is that they are extremely uncomfortable when recognizing others in a positive way, but delighted in criticizing and finding fault. When asked to encourage or find positives, they tend to squirm. They can even argue against it. What I didn’t understand before was that certain people get jealous when someone else does well. Jealousy causes them to act in poisonous ways.
The other part of the transformation process for me is being able to get out of the dark and tense state where I am fearful of that bad is going to happen all the time. So what I do in this state is see darkness all around then tense up inside and then project an image of the worst bad things about to occur. It is a paralyzing state because it stops my progress. Not surprisingly it seems to begin happening somewhere in the middle of the second year of new experience when I have begun to achieve significant success. So turning the darkness into light and continuing with positive action seems to involve holding very positive pictures about what is going to happen in the future and feeling as if they are happening right now in the present moment. It is like taking a trip out into the future of hope with the best scenes, and then living that hope in the present tense full of great feelings.
What kept me in the past from maintaining a positive image of the future and then feeling it now and living it was the complete unawareness of jealousy in the environment. Recognizing jealousy is an important element of moving forward into a positive present and future because it so easily explains the murderous relationships. I can see jealousy when it is happening and then I can be detached from it. The most common sign for jealousy is the discomfort a person has in delighting in the progress of others. It is also a pretty good indicator of how free you are of jealousy by how delighted you become when someone else does well.
I am thinking now that the way to spot jealousy is that given a choice between finding success and seeing what is not perfect, jealousy will always choose the imperfection and then feed on it. People who are not plagued with jealousy have a choice. When I am detached from the effects of jealousy everything is positive and the future is bright.
When I delight in the progress of others, it is as if their success is my success. When I am obsessed by the imperfections of others, I am really obsessing on my own imperfection.