Getting Out the Door By Overcoming Hurt
So, there you are sitting on your couch, the plan you had of becoming fit and doing great things is only a vague distant wish. You reach for another cookie, a soft drink or beer, and then turn on the TV to watch some meaningless mind-numbing soap opera.
Why can’t you get out the door? Where did the dream go? Where is my will-power?
There is always one big emotion that keeps you on the couch of heedlessness, the emotion of hurt. Its favorite strategy by far is procrastination. Whatever you are not getting to in your great plan of life starts with hurt. Everyone has been hurt because hurt arises from having been abandoned in one form or another. It is part of the human experience in the age we live. Perhaps distant future ages will not suffer it as we have, but for now, the unity of the world that we all long for has not yet arrived.
We keep apart and keep away from acting and seeing our dreams by hanging onto hurt. Maybe you have been fired or ignored in a relationship or severely criticized and put down. Hurt is the feeling that allows you to close the doors to opportunities and protect yourself in a shell of negative thinking. When you are hurt, your mind is taken over by obsessive negative thoughts that can last for decades. It is a living hell.
Most of us hang onto hurt for a long time because we expect someone else to fix it or heal it in someway by acting toward us in a kind and loving way. We can wait a long time, can’t we? It maybe the single most difficult act in the human experience to overcome; to let go of expecting someone else to do the right thing and heal our pain, but it is exactly what is needed if we are to get out the door to our dreams.
The difficulty with hurt is the infection it causes in the mind. It is like it entraps our mind in negative thinking that spins itself over and over. If your mother abandoned you or your boss treated you unfairly or your friends gossiped about you, then you feel hurt, and your mind believes that they should fix it. Then your mind starts thinking of all kinds of negative things to do so that they can fix the hurt, but instead of any positive results, you stay in a heap of hurt and negativity, and no one wants to be around you. Your dreams go on the procrastination button.
There is only really one way out of hurt as painful as it maybe to admit. The way out is first to realize that you allowed yourself to be hurt by the abandonment. Not everyone automatically feels hurt over abandonment so it isn’t a given that you have to feel it. Someone can do something negatively to me like viciously criticize me, but I am the one who allows myself to be hurt. I do something to allow the hurt to function and then close the door. What you do, in an unconscious manner, is to believe that you need to close the door and protect yourself from the behavior of another. To get out of the hurt you can believe that protection can be a choice, that you don’t have to feel hurt. You can actually experience detachment in otherwise hurtful situations, by believing that there are other options besides protecting yourself.
Usually hurt is experienced as a metaphor by people so when it is dealt with, it is good to describe it as a metaphor. It may feel like being stabbed in the heart or stabbed in the back, or that your guts are being ripped out, or that you have been trampled over. These are a few of the metaphors. So ask yourself what the hurt feels like inside. What is the metaphoric experience?
When you are detached from the metaphor, it no longer affects you. I have heard people say that their whole family turned on them as if they were surrounded by a gang that beat them up. When you are detached, you can see that it is the other person and not yourself who is hurt before you became hurt. This changes everything. Believe me it does. Try it. Instead of feeling like you were stabbed in the back, step out of your body and see the stabbing and the person doing the stabbing and you will notice that they are hurt from a former stabbing. They only ever repeat what was done to them.
Now ask yourself as you are being stabbed, but watching it from a distance how that person is ever going to heal your hurt. They are NOT going to do it. So get over that idea. They are in too much pain themselves. They actually need your healing, but not the other way around.
As soon as you get to detachment over hurt by seeing that the person doing the hurt is actually full of hurt, then youcan drop the bag of Oreos and head out the door with your own plans. When you are detached, your mind will automatically become much more positive and optimistic, but first you have to get to a state of zero expectations from the other person. Don’t succumb to it. It is deadly and is like being caught in a whirlpool, like being on a permanent spin cycle inside your washing machine. Drop the oreos and get out the door.
Review of the steps with hurt.
1. Remember the dreams that you are currently procrastinating. Write them down.
2. Describe the hurt in metaphoric terms.
3. Detach yourself from the hurt by seeing the person doing the hurt as the one who is really hurt. Accept the fact that they are not going to heal your hurt. Then just let go of all of the pain.
4. Take the first steps out the door to your dreams and then allow yourself to be guided.
I wouldn’t mind hearing your metaphors on the hurt issue and what your experience is after detachment. They may help others with their own hurt.
I think I will go take a run.