Dreams about your Ex
Almost every week I receive a dream on the “free dream interpretation” page of this blog where someone is sleeping with their ex and then wondering what that is all about since they don’t have a relationship with that person anymore. It can be very disconcerting to get sexually stimulated with someone you thought you were over when you have such a positive relationship with someone else. What is that all about? What do you do with a dream like?
The first thing I would like to tell you is to not worry about your current relationship. It is not about that at all. I tell you why.
There is a stage in life, in adolescence, when young people start getting attracted to each other and then enter into relationships. We all need this because we need to learn how to interact with others in ways that work. It turns out that we have a tendency to latch onto people who have something inside of them that we need for ourselves. The problem with the latching process as in dating someone and then naming them your boyfriend or girlfriend is that we get so that we are dependent on the other person. The more dependent we are the sooner the relationship goes bad. When you depend upon a boy or girl for something like being strong or assertive or being compassionate and caring, then when they don’t deliver, the fights begin. Eventually the fights become greater than moments of joy so the couples break with each other.
The problem is that breaking up does not solve the problem that led to the break up. What you needed from your boyfriend or girlfriend is just as strong as ever. Your inner being is not going to let go of it. Fortunately the dream world comes to the rescue by giving you a steamy dream about your ex. All this means is that your inner self still wants the positive quality they have in them. It shows you in the dream because the message is to be intimate, like you were having sex, with that quality. To be intimate with the quality means having it inside of you and loving it until it is totally yours. The new relationship will work a hundred times better when you find out what you were missing that your ex boyfriend had, and then incorporate it in you by working hard to develop it in yourself.
The good news is that you don’t have to have sex in your dreams with only your ex to develop yourself in a new way. It could be that you could have sex with a famous person or with someone completely random. They all have different messages and different qualities.
Who have you had sex with in a dream and what is the outstanding positive quality that they have? That is the important question.
Richard Hastings is an expert in change work and dream work and author of Dreams for Peace. He is a 
Dreams For Peace 
When my wife or have this type of dream, we just tell each other right away and then try to figure out what we are trying to develop inside. I had a dream with having sex with Marilyn Monroe (LOL), but then I figured out that she was trying to me to start doing things that would make me more public into terms of what I was doing, to not be fearful of putting myself out there.
I’m so glad you posted this Richard! It ties directly into some conversations which have come up lately about the topic of sexuality in dreams, and the integration of qualities, and overcoming barriers to transformation by understanding ones own limitations and learning to go beyond them. It seems like a really important concept which is worthy of a much deeper exploration!
Personally, I just think the more that people talk about these kinds of things in open and candid ways we will most likely find that more often than not, we all share the same fears and experiences.
Then, instead of carrying on the old way of not talking about it and not growing from it, we can do what your post is saying which is to learn through the experience what quality our True Self wants us to go for in life and develop more of.
I have just found that as soon as an understanding about a certain virtue comes into awareness there are opportunities presented that very day which give an opportunity to practice it right away.
Sometimes it is a challenge to see past the temptation for a literal translation of the dream – but with effort and practice, self-discipline and detachment – it is possible to discern the virtue or quality the person in the dream has and be able to more closely connect with it, even though the relationship with the person who brought this into awareness is now over.