Before we go too far into understanding about envy, we first have to differentiate it from jealousy, because even the dictionary has it wrong (at least in my understanding). It is useful to have a clear distinction.  Envy is the emotion you feel when you desire an end state, hope that it will happen, but then do not make efforts to get there. The end result of envy is that you get nothing and kill the positive relationships in your life.  Jealousy, on the other hand, is when you already have something like an established relationship or a title, and then you feel like it is under threat, so you become protective. 

So imagine that you see a couple who is affectionate, loving, and caring towards each other.  You would be caught in the snare of envy if you found yourself desiring the state that the couple has, maybe making an effort to reach out to a potential partner, but unable to engage in practices that foster closeness. Envy is a hope without any work. It destroys relationships because it causes you to think love is coming your way without making positive efforts.  For a long time in the culture of movies the myth of happy-ever-after or being taken care of was thoroughly perpetuated in most romance films. There was little understanding that relationships have their own science that make them work. Thinking that you are going to automatically be loved forever or have everything positive come your way without engaging in positive relational behavior is the definition of doom. 

It doesn’t help that positive relational behavior is never taught in school in the way that the principles of mathematics or physical sciences are taught. There is virtually no relational curriculum in schools. 

If you would ask me what are the keys to a successful relationship, I would give you the following four things to work on. 

1. Find the positives in the other person and acknowledge them constantly. 
2. Listen non-judgmentally to what is going on with others without trying to fix anything.
3. Do more than your share of the work. Absolutely avoid comparing. 
4. Feel free to establish boundaries with others. 

If you get struck with envy, it probably means you are missing at least one of the above processes. Envy is the messenger that comes when you have not developed certain heart related processes. So when it strikes and then you get nowhere, you have some place from which you can start the inner work. Being loving and intimate with others means you are in control of the relational processes and can use them effectively. It takes lots of efforts, to learn how to become intimate with others. 

If you have envy for what your neighbors have like a bigger or more elegantly decorated house or the type of car that they have, it means that some relational processes are missing in you. If you try to feel better by having a better house (not that a nice place to live is bad thing), you have forgotten to work on the self that lives in the house and relates to people. Work on your relational self first, then improve your house. This is because your higher self wants to have positive relationships that are loving and close first. Then you are ready for a space to be in together with others. Thinking that the physical space will bring you closer to others is a recipe for disaster. It actually takes you further away. 

Mostly envy kills your relational life by living in hope of something positive happening to you where you are NOT the primary actor. Envy is when you have hope and then give the control of it happening over to someone else or some organization like the government or your employer. 

There is also a large sector of almost every population where their hope for a better life is in the past. They actually want to return to a former state of affairs to make themselves happy. In every case where people want to return to the past for their joy you can see that they are having a hard time negotiating their current relational life.  Instead of putting in the effort to develop relational skills, they want to return to some fictitious time where they got along with everyone else, when in actuality they are just forgetting that they never did learn how to work cooperatively with others.  They almost always have some sort of history of being abused or abandoned. 

Work on the basics of relationship building and then you will always have lots of friends and joy!