Relationships are Tricky Things in Dreams: Be Careful
It seems to me, without actually having done the calculation, that most of our dream life (about 95%) deals with troubles with our relational lives. I am sure that that is because 95% of our troubles in life are relational ones.
How to have a successful relationship seems to be one of the great mysteries of life?
I have received a lot of dreams from people who have been madly and passionately in love, and then suddenly something happens which results in them breaking up. Interestingly enough one of the common dream patterns is the person re-uniting in the dream world with the loved often in passionate embrace. Why does this happen? Inevitably the person having the dream really longs to get back together with the ex after the dream. For some reason they write me to see what I think. I say no. This is why. If you get this, you get the dream world. If you don’t, the dream world will never fully reveal things to you.
Dreams are metaphors even when the people in the dream are real.
The problem is, and believe me this isn’t very easy, that it can take a monumental amount of self-discipline to have passionate sex in a dream and then wake up and say that that was a metaphor. When something seems so real in the dream world, you tend to believe it is real in the real world. But they are two different worlds with two different agendas. The prime motive of the dream world is to get you to wake up to who you truly are and where you are going in your life, i.e., sex is not sex in the dream world. Sex is a metaphor.
Imagine that you are very happily married or not-so-happily married. Then along comes an old girl friend in the dream wanting to have sex with you. It is NOT an invitation to call her up and re-unite. It is metaphor so that you will re-UNITE with your new self fully. Here is what happens.
Most relationships are like going to school. When you relate to someone, it is as if you go the school of their inner self and meet their positive energy. If you need gentleness in your life and they have that quality in them, then when you are in relationship, you are on a journey to learn how to be gentle. When you are in the learning process, which tends to be mutual because you have something they need to learn in your school, then there is a strong bond. The bond keeps you connected so that you can be around each other and learn. When you have gotten the learning, usually something happens and you break up. The break up is actually pretty stupid, but it stems from the cultural idea that when you are in a relationship with someone else, you own them. If you take the ownership out, set boundaries around sexual behavior (i.e. not having it), then the relationship can continue to exist positively.
In our modern world people get into a relationship as if it were a marriage, which it is not, so when they break up, it is full of pain despite the good stuff that went on. When you have a re-uniting dream, it is because you have forgotten to integrate the lessons and qualities you learned when you were in the relationship. The dream world wants you to re-unite so that you remember that who you are now is different than before the relationship. It is much better. Sex is the union of two positive sets of qualities. Embrace the qualities and you embrace life to the fullest.
I have a tendency to believe that a relationship especially related to work is open and positive even when all of the outward signs says it is NOT. I want the relationship to work so that the workplace can be more productive, but if the person with whom I am trying to have the relationship doesn’t have the inner qualities to do the work, even when they are the leader, then the best thing for me is to drop the expectation and move in another direction. I like to delude myself, but it is catastrophe for me.
If you have broken up with someone because of their negative qualities, the chances are that even when you remember the positive qualities about them that the dreams present, if you re-unite, you will end up in the same place. This is because their negative qualities will not have changed and they will cause the same difficulties.
So when you dream about a person in an intimate way, don’t try to get their number. Get their positive quality. It is what makes your life bliss. A new door is about to open.
In my experience with dreams and dreamwork, with having my dreams interpreted daily for years (so a total of between 500-1000 dreams) as well as closely studying the 1000 dreams and interpretation posts on Richard’s Dreams For Peace, I can say that what he writes here is true. The way it works is that the intuition can pick up on someone’s actions in a relationship being based in selfish motives for gain or power that the conscious mind doesn’t see in day-to-day life. When the dream shows up the work can be done to process the emotions that come up in the dream and then change can be made within an individual that impacts the relationship. When both people in the relationship want it to work, when one person changes they both can change and grow. Through this a positive and deep, long-lasting relationship can develop and endure. When one person is seeking power they will get angry, jealous, or whatever when there is change. Then there are some decisions to be made by the dreamer about how to move forward in a positive way for everyone involved. There are also problems if one person thinks in some way they are better than the other. Then when the dreamer makes the positive change the other may think this is odd, or strange, or out of character or whatever – placing judgement, scrutiny, suspicion and false illusions on the other person as though there is a way someone is “supposed to be” or “not supposed to be” as though someone is in a “role” and has to stay in that “role” in order for things to work. If the role changes and the relationship endures you know it is good. If the role changes and attacks come in the form of criticism (overt or discrete, seen or unseen, directly or indirectly), or if there is back-biting, or if there is negativity, then the relationship falls apart. Usually because the person seeking to make themselves be or appear to be better than the other person feels uncomfortable with being in a new dynamic where they feel that they have lost control. So conflict comes out of this. Since avoiding conflict is the central feature of a Peaceful life, then when this type of conflict emerges, there are lots of things to do to stay out of conflict. There are always options, always choices, always possibilities, always opportunities. We are always as free as we choose to allow ourselves to be. Our relationships can be as deep and profound as we allow them to be. Our life can be as happy and fulfilling as we allow it to be. We have all the choice in our life. Always. When we can find in our dreams unconscious patterns that lead to upliftment or to being debased and humiliated then we can choose which we want for ourselves and really go like crazy in positive directions in all areas, day and night.