Dealing with Embarrassment: A Real Story
Dear Richard,
When I was a little girl, I imagined when I got older the things that stopped me from feeling peaceful and happy would be gone because I would be an adult and be able to choose things for myself. Then I would choose to do things I really wanted to do but wasn’t given opportunities to do, like learn a musical instrument, learn to dance with a group, travel and see beautiful things on earth. I also always loved learning new things and sharing them. When I was little I wanted to be a teacher so I could keep learning and sharing. I’ve found myself as an adult drawn to being in the company of people who also enjoy learning, sharing, and growing.
My big scary dream which has reoccurred in one way or another since I was 7 was of someone I trusted driving a car with people in it into water. When I was a child this dream image then became a “real” phobia so that I would actually get nervous when we drove by water but I am learning to work with this image as a metaphor and work through this issue with the tips you include in these two recent posts about reoccurring dreams and going for big change.
Here is the part I struggle with: even though I want to share this with you and this wonderful online group of dreamers, even now, my fears kick in.
I wonder when is a good time to name the ego and emotion and when is not a good time to share it. It is always good to name the ego within yourself. Sharing it with others is always optional and depends upon the listener’s ability to help you with it. You need to be able to trust the listener.
I am afraid of feeling embarrassed after I send this and of not being clear and of being misunderstood. I’m afraid of something bad happening if I share my feelings. Sharing feelings out loud is always risky. That is what happened in your dream. The person driving you that you trusted drove you into the lake. This just means that you need to drive the experience. The reason that you share is to get help, but the embarrassment comes because when you thought you could trust someone, they drove you in a lake. Now every time you consider trusting someone to share, you are fearful of being driven in the lake so your ego reacts with embarrassment. Furthermore it happened at 7 years old when you are just being able to hold mixed feelings in your mind, positive and negative at the same time. For a child that age they have to be able to feel great about how they played, for instance, despite the fact that the scoreboard says they lost. For your experience you need to be able to be open to learning and experience, and, at the same time, realize that it is not wise to be open with everyone.
Anyway, my question to you is this: what do we do when our dream life presents us with a lot of issues of emptiness and dullness? Emptiness and dullness in dream life means that you are feeling the same in real life. Dullness in particular is a protective state the ego uses so that you don’t have put yourself out there and be really excited and colorful. First it is important to realize that it is protection. Second you use it because then you don’t have to trust yourself in situations that require enthusiasm.
What do I do when my dream makes it look like I’ve overcome one part of the reoccurring issue but in real life it looks like it is happening all over again? The dream presents it this way because you have overcome the issue in one origin. Often when you have been through difficult traumas, there are multiple origins of an issue because one problem builds on another. When you keep letting go of the ego at the new place, then real life just keeps getting better and better.
Richard Hastings is an expert in change work and dream work and author of Dreams for Peace. He is a 
Dreams For Peace 