Dreamwork 4: Taking Responsibility/Leaving Blame Behind
The way I teach dream work requires that at some point people identify the origins in their lives when negative experiences happened which caused the ego to go into a survivor/protector mode. The theory of working with the ego is that because it is an aspect of our animal heritage, it therefore belongs to the earth, and hence, inheres in time. This means that is has a beginning and therefore, can also end. When you release the protective energy of the ego, the true self is freed up to operate in a positive manner that is beneficial to humankind. Since it has a beginning, it is useful to explore and understand the way it began so that you can get a specific reading of what energy the true self is going to unleash such as endurance, kindness, honestly, or courage and then what part of those qualities is needed given the trauma. The problem with the work is that when you go back and find an abusive parent or an abusive teacher, for instance, the great tendency is to put blame on them for your pain. Indeed you can argue that they are responsible for your pain and deserve some pain of their own, but having that kind of attitude breeds an attitude of revenge where both sides end up in more trauma.
So the challenge is to be able to understand the protective way your ego is operating at the origin, which may be finding the people associated with your pain, but to stay out of the realm of blame. The only reason to go back there is to get to the new energy. For instance, if you were physically beaten a great deal with a great many bruises at a time in your life when you needed a great deal of support and encouragement, then your ego may protect you by being fearful of being curious or of doing new things. You can blame your parents and seek revenge, but it won’t get you to where your true self wants to go, which is to being able to explore and do new things. What you need to do is to learn how to be curious.
There are a good number of bad folks in the world who do a lot of nasty work. When they act in their selfish and sometimes brutal ways, the people on the receiving end of the selfish behavior react with their egos trying to protect themselves. The reaction is fear-based. Instead of our minds feeling positive and up about doing positive acts, our minds have the positive acts associated with fear. It tends to paralyze actions.
So the key is to retrain the mind so that it associates positive acts with positive energy rather than fearful energy. Then every time you want to do something of a positive nature, it will be full of joy.
When we hold onto blaming someone else such as the leader of our company or our country, it is an admission that the mind is still in the old pattern of protection with fear. It is common place to blame because most people are fear-based in their daily living. We mostly all do it. The alternative to blaming is to take responsibility for your own transformation. This accelerates the pace of change in yourself. But you also need some commonsense. A person with bad intentions and a bad temper doesn’t change into a compassionate soul because you are changing. They tend to remain in their patterns which means you need some commonsense about how to deal with them.
Getting out of blame usually requires getting out of the mindset that someone else is responsible for all of your misery, and then realizing you are the one causing yourself pain and anguish. When you shift the responsibility from them to you, you have a lot of control over the outcome. It doesn’t mean that they are not going to act cruelly. It means that you control your own happiness and joy and development in spite of difficult conditions.
Who are you blaming? How are you keeping away from taking responsibility for your joy and change by blaming them? How do you cause your own misery? What does your mind do to keep you in miserable feeling? How would your life change is you didn’t feel negative toward others?