There I am looking down the barrel of a gun.  I am about to be killed.  I start to beg for my life and try to get away.    The person with the gun laughs at me in my humiliated state and let’s me go. This dream is followed by a series of other ones where some plans are killed or people walk away from me.

I know enough about dreams to realize that when a nightmare or super negative dream occurs that I am at the beginning of a new process.   In the dream world a gun is weapon people use to put others down so that they feel better or higher.   I am put down and full on into fear just by the thought of a put down in the dream.   How could this happen after so much work with put downs?   It is like my plans and memory of my higher self are killed with the imagination of negative criticism.

Because  the imagined thought of criticism can destroy or kill my plans,  I realize that the capacity that is calling me is that of being able to get to places that are better than my positive mine can imagined.  The difficulty is the fear of being so killed in a psychological sense that my ego takes completely over.  I have worked with people over the years who are so into power and dominance that there true self seems to have completely left them, but I have forgotten when I was in a state where fear had so completely taken over me  that it was as if my true self  was not there at all.    This happened somewhere around the age of 18, my first year away from home, when I was in a very negative environment.   It is a memory I have buried or not wished to face, but one that one of best friends pointed out about a week ago.

It is sobering thought for me to realize that a group of people could have had that kind of power over me and that I was so weak that I seemed to have completely lost my true self.   They did it through constant criticism and a lot of yelling where nothing  I did was ever quite right.   Not everyone lost themselves in that environment which makes my feelings about myself even worse.   I seemed to have buried myself.   What was left was a lot of acting on the basis of fear.

After processing the fear state for about an hour this morning and answering some dream emails,  I decided to go out for a walk.   The new process of being able to get further than the imagined state was starting to kick in.   Instead of walking for about 15 minutes as planned, the walk ended up being 90 minutes.  It was not  particularly taxing exercise for me, but it showed the progress.  My imagination went for a 15-20 minute walk, but my true self went for 90 minutes.   Is that really possible that your true self can go further than your imagination.  It is counter-intuitive for me.

The killing process was deliberate or so they said.  They actual said it out loud.  The plan was to destroy me (us) as I knew it and then be recreated in their image.   While I never was remade in their image,  I now realize and have to be truthful that they achieved the first part.  My true self got buried, blurred, difficult to access.   I ended up quitting one thing after another for about two years.   It was only when my mother gave me a copy of the book, Psycho-Cybernetics, by Maxwell Maltz that my true self seem to rise from the grave.   Shortly after that I left the school.

Forget about putting restrictions on guns if you are an American.  What you really need to work on is eliminating how vicious criticism kills the soul.   It killed me.   I wished that I would have been stronger, but I was not.  Call me a wimp if you will.  I was.

It was not until I began to do the Psycho-Cybernetics exercises that I could regain a sense of who my true self really was.  By and large it is memory work.   It is positive memory work.  It is remembering positive aspects of yourself and then living in those memories.  It is not easy to let go of loud and constant memories of authority figures telling you that you are worthless scum. That is what I was up against, a killing machine, much more deadly than the thousands of nuclear warheads we had.   It is a soul killer.

What is the key to reviving your soul?   I am not sure that I have all of the answers, but the process is pretty straightforward.  Here are some initial steps.

1.  Realize that anyone who is doing a lot of negative mongering is doing it for their own gain.  There is no positive intention other than domination.   When you understand this, it puts you in a state of mind that allows the yelling and criticism to be let go of.   There must of been a part of me that believed them.   I wish that I would have been stronger back them, but I wasn’t.
2.  The second step is to stop listening to the negative criticism in your head by just turning down the volume.   You can just turn it right off.   You start listening and then you turn it off.  It is simple.  Try it.   Imagine someone really criticizing or yelling at you and then just turn it right down to nothing.
3.  The third step is access your positive voice inside your mind that reminds you of all of your positive abilities.   Just turn up the volume and hear it.  It will probably generate positive visual memories as well.
4.  After that you can start with negative and as you are turning the volume down, you can turn the volume of  the positive up.   This will change from dead to alive right before your ears. 

You will need to practice the above exercise lots of times if your memories are severe.

The next step is to imagine positives things and then go out and do them.   If you have extremely positive memories being generated in your mind rather than fear, the reality is actually going to end up better than the imagination.   You have to try this.   Start with the hearing yourself speak about your positive capacities and memories, then feel yourself inside the memory.  After this do the imagination work.   Your results are going to surprise you.