Dealing with Worry Part 2: How to Not Allow Worry to Take You Over the Edge to the Dark Side

In part one of dealing with worry I was trying to show that when you are confident with your internal gifts and act out of them, then positive things begin to show up all around.   What happens when worry gets the better of you?  

Human beings have two aspects to themselves, an ego, which is where there negative emotions are, and their true selves, which is where their positive capacities that do beneficial things live.   Both work together in a dynamic way to help you grow.   Since the ego is our animal heritage, it has a tendency to do what animals do under threat, fight or flee.   If the ego is in control of the person,  it just completely blocks the true self and does all kinds of things for self-interest or self-glorification or self-protection.

  • Worry, in our current world, seems to be at epidemic proportions.  It is definitely in control.  The internal true self of the world is definitely not in control.  It is moving and becoming stronger, but  worry is still having its day, hopefully its last day.   There are certain historical leaders who really took advantage of their worried states and then became extremely brutal.  How did they do it?   Worry sees the future as negative.  It sees threats from various directions and makes one feel out of control with it, often overwhelmed.    If you are on the fighting end of an ego response and you win some fights, the result of winning is a feeling of power.   It is a drug-like feeling.   As a person continues to fight and win, the addiction to the power grows and then the ego is totally out of control and becomes brutal.   It can be in a family, a city, or a nation.  There is no difference.

If worry is on the fleeing side, it still starts with seeing the future as negative, but instead of fighting and perhaps winning,  it runs away into areas other than where you are gifted.   When you flee with worry, you stay far away from your true self. You can seriously into mental illness.

The first step in dealing with worry or for that matter any negative emotion is to become friendly with it.  Think of worry as your best friend.  If you know the secret to transformation, then it is relatively easy to make it your best friend.   You are not trying to get rid of worry.  You are just trying to act more and more out of your gifts.   Worry will go away by itself when you know what it’s purpose is.   The purpose of worry is to wake you up and tell you that you are not acting out of your gifts.

When an emotion like worry is at epidemic proportions like it is right now in the world, it simply means that the masses of humanity are not acting out of their gifted selves.   They are either fleeing or fighting into their protected selves to deal with the negative future that they are perceiving.   It is why parents in certain cultures never allow their children moments when they are free to think or play.   They just try to keep them busy in structured activities from the time they wake up to the time they sleep.  They are worried that if they don’t do this, that they are going to end up on the street or in a less paying profession.  They see the future as negative.   Worry is the wake up call that lets you know that your future is really messed up.   It needs an overhaul.    All we have to do is change our futures from negative to positive and then begin acting out of our gifted selves.

Change your negative future right now.  See a positive future where people cooperate,  get along, help each other.


Getting Over Worry and Living Freely in Your Gifted Self

Worry a.k.a. anxiety is the negative emotion that projects a negative illusion onto the future so that you can maintain your present state in a protected manner.   If you are more conservative in your views or politics,  you see the future as someone coming in and taking away what you already have.   It causes you to fight for the present state.   If, however, you are more liberal in your views,  you will see the future as more of the same where, for instance the rich have a decided advantage.   Then you will fight for the present state where the possibility of change is alive.     Here is something that you may not have considered.  The enemy isn’t the other party or people who espouse the opposite views.   The enemy is worry.

Take the Republican Party in the U.S. or the Conservatives in the U.K..   In their worried future they see foreign invaders coming to take all of the jobs and promote terrorism.   On the other hand the Democrats or Liberals feel threatened by the conservatives closing all of the doors to the less wealthy and all opportunities to expand commerce with other countries.   Both sides have really valid arguments.   The problem is that when worry rules the day, as it does right now,  both sides gets entrenched.

How does worry work and how do you let it go?    Worry happens when people do not have confidence in their own gifted selves.   We all are extremely gifted by nature.  There is no one left out,   but when we stop relying on our gifts and being extremely confident in them,  then the future goes from a positive state to a negative one.   If you are relying on your own inner gifts,  then you naturally will be enthusiastic and positive about the future.  As soon as worry creeps in, the future changes in a negative direction so that the present can be protected.

We all just need to feel more gifted.  Then we will be able to talk to each other and find mutual solutions.   When we lose our worry, we start seeing people as gifted and then we want to be with them even though they may be of a different culture or religion.   When we relate inwardly to our own gifts and then outwardly to other people’s gifts, then our worry goes away because we act out of our true selves with very positive energy.    We don’t have to label ourselves as conservative or liberal.  We can say that we are gifted.

Exercise to get rid of worry.

  1.  Start to feel worried and then see the negative vision that it projects.    Write the negative vision on a paper.   If you can then turn the negative vision into a metaphoric vision it will be better.    For instance, you may be worried that your child is not going to university because he/she doesn’t work hard.   Feel the worry, project the image,  and see if metaphorically like he is going to end up in wasteland with no food or drink.
  2.  Say to yourself that this is just worry.  It is not real.   I need to live in my gifts.
  3. Make a list of your top 5 gifts such as your ability to connect to others, your ability to attend to details,  your ability to solve complex problems, or your ability to hold firm to a principle.   Then with each gift write some times when you acted out of that energy.   Relive the experiences as many times as you can.
  4. As you relive your gifts,  you will notice that your future begins to shift from negative to positive.  You might even feel enthusiastic.
  5. Take the vision of the negative future and let it just vanish away while you take on a really positive one where you are using your gifts.


Dealing With Blemishes in Dreams and in Real Life

This is really great for being self-conscious especially with young people.

Dreams For Peace

A blemish in a dream is an imperfection.   Everyone has blemishes because everyone is imperfect.   The modern culture seems to want me to be like this photo below.   I pick up my copy of Runner’s World Magazine which is full of good articles and good advice, but the cover shot is the perfect man image.   The visual image is the unconscious goal, not everything else about a healthy life style, good health, etc..  Look perfect like the guy in the photo!  That is the message.


How did we get here to where we have to look perfect all the time?   This is actually not a new phenomenon.  It has been with us for quite some time now, more with women than men.   Making mistakes, having weaknesses, blemishes in appearance have been and continue to be a source of great shame in the culture.   I wish I could…

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Catastrophe/Apocalyptic Dreams

This post was written about 5 years ago, but it is just as applicable today. When you think of an apocalypse, make it personal rather than global because you can change your own personal apocalypse into something amazingly wonderful. You can land in paradise.

Dreams For Peace

A few nights I was in Singapore doing a dream meeting with about 25 people.  There were quite a few interesting dreams as there always are, but one thing that really caught a great deal of interest for me was that of dreaming about catastrophes.     In the particular dream, the dreamer said that he dreamt that something extremely terrible was going to happen, that he was frozen in his response to it, and that he rarely remembered many dreams.

When you do dream work,  it is always solution oriented.  This is a bit different than when you go to a therapist’s office and get dream analysis based upon the the therapist’s interpretation of the symbols.    The symbolic work is pretty straight forward.  It just requires having a pretty lengthy knowledge of analogies.  The purpose of dream work, while it includes analysis,  does not stop there.   The important…

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Sometimes the Fear You Feel is Not Yours

I woke up with a dream this morning that reminded me of some feelings that I had in elementary school.    The primary feeling was fear, but there didn’t seem to be any reason for the fear.    I was reluctant to relate to people even though they were friendly, open, and hospitable really wanting me to join them.    When I woke up, I thought to myself,  “What am I afraid of?”

Then I remembered my first-ever day of school where I felt completely overwhelmed and hesitant to go into the school setting.   There wasn’t a lot to be afraid of,  but what I was feeling, which at the time was completely unconscious to me, was all the fear and anxiety from everyone else.   It was their feelings that I was feeling, but it felt so much like my own feelings.   I was absorbing their fear.    I am sure this is the case for many people. It could explain why it is so  difficult for people to reach out and readily initiate inclusion in the world.   In fact it seems to me that it is the people who are less empathetic that seem to be running the world.

Empathy is a positive quality because it informs you of how others feel, but if you have no way of knowing which feelings are yours and which belong to others,  then it can be a huge nightmare.   Sensitive people, without training,  can get totally overwhelmed and wiped out.

What I have learned is that you can sense what others are experiencing and be trained in how to recognize the different states,  and then even young children are good at helping others cope with what they are feeling,  but to be unconscious of the feelings of others means that you will probably take them on as if they are your own.    Once you know that the state belongs to someone else,  then you can begin to have a lot of choice about what to do in the environment.    You can ignore the situation or help the person with fear, for instance.   You can maintain your functional state rather than being overcome by all of the fear.




Lucid Dreaming When You Are Awake

Dreams For Peace

Two nights ago I had a dream where I was going downhill in a sort of half walk, half- run trot about the speed of a camel, and as I approached the bottom a group of about 4 children around the age of 10 or 11 went racing up the hill full of energy and life.

The speed I was running in the dream was about the same that I had done in real life the day before at Cherating Beach in Malaysia after I had been surfing the day before for a few hours in water that had a really strong current which made paddling and walking a real effort.

So when I woke up after the dream and prepared to go out and a do a run I was already feeling tired and depressed, but I also realized that the boys in the dream were symbols for how…

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Dealing with Nightmares in the Real or Dream World

Dreams For Peace

What should your attitude be after you have had an intense nightmare or have gone through a horrific experience in real life?

When most people begin working with what is happening with themselves,  the first goal they have is to get rid of the recurrence of the negative feelings.   When you are feeling a great deal of fear because the memories of some horror like being in war or being with an abusive person get triggered constantly,  the actual experience in your body of the negative emotion can be so awful that the only thing you can think of is getting rid of it as quickly as possible.     Most people do a lot of coping strategies like alcohol or drugs or relationships to forget the pain.

As awful as the feelings are to cope with, the goal is NOT to completely forget the nightmare or keep it from recurring.  Nightmares…

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When You Dream About Snakes, Start Looking for Jealousy

Dreams For Peace

If you have ever been to one of my dream meetings, you will almost always hear me say that snakes are about change, transformation especially at the beginning stages of change, but there is hardly another animal on the planet that evokes so much fear as a snake.   Part of the problems with snakes is that you can’t see them until you are right upon it.    If it is poisonous, then its effects from biting you can be really deadly.

Jealousy as an emotion most simulates the way a poisonous snake acts.    People who have problems with jealousy tend to use vicious poison in a hidden way so that they can protect the power and things, especially relationships, that they already have.  Its dirtiest weapon is usually backbiting.  Backbiting is the act of trying to maintain what you have by purposely spreading negative information about another so that they will…

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How to Deal with Criticism: Changing What’s In Your Head

Today I woke wondering why I have this mental habit of trying to get everything done all at once or in a very short time period.   It is as if my mind refuses to live in a sequential, time-based, rhythmic world.   I have trouble doing sequences-based tasks like following recipes or sticking to an exercise program whose increments are gradual.   What I discovered, when doing the internal processing work, the kind you do with NLP,  is that  when I do sequential work or try to do it, my mind runs into the fear of criticism.    This is what happens.

  1.  My mind imagines being criticized by someone, not too dissimilar to what would happened in real life, and then it automatically turns up the volume until it is like screaming.   To avoid actual screaming I do everything I can to not let it happen by trying to get done all of my tasks before any criticism can occur.   It isn’t a very effective pattern.
  2.  There is a lot of tension connected with trying to get things done quickly rather than taking time and doing it in a more relaxed manner.

The change takes place when I go back in my mind to various times in my life such as entering school and then replace the screaming with a sweet encouraging voice.   It has a kind of calming effect that relaxes the tension.   In turns out that I have had a lot of time periods where in my life where I do the strategy of raising the volume of the criticism.

Beyond the change of screaming to sweetness in the quality of the voice,  I also noticed that I easily held on stubbornly to negative feelings against those who did the criticizing as if they were now eternal life long enemies.   Needless to say with the screaming and the holding onto negative feelings,  my ego was in a huge over-reaction out of protection.     To let go of the negative feelings toward the other people the thing that seems to help after I have the sweet voice implanted in my mind is to have a lot of understanding for the trauma that the criticizers have been through.

The combination of understanding and changing the screaming to sweetness allows the sequence of action to just happen much more easily.

Healing or Development: Finding Out What Stage You are in Makes a Huge Difference on How to Act

Healing or Development

Change is always basically the same process of changing negative energy to positive energy, but where you start from to do the change process depends upon how dysfunctional you are in your overall life.   You will have to find where you are coming in last place, where you are kicked out of Eden, but you can start from one of two major categories, healing or development.     There is nothing scientific about the difference.  They are made up inventions, nothing that is truly reality, but the distinctions may be helpful.

Seeing change as healing is a metaphor that lets you know that the negative energy is so great that it is making it impossible to function well in your life.    The advantage of being in the healing mode is that you can feel that you can take all the time and gather all the support you need for the change.   Healing is about surrounding yourself with all of the best supportive measures you can to change the negative into a positive.  Healing to me is like going to a great resort and this is probably why our collective vacation mindset thinks often of resorts.   Resorts help you relax and regain your lost energy from the stresses and strains of everyday life.   The difference between a healing environment and a developmental one is the difference between how a stress-filled parent thinks about a resort versus how a child relates to it.   A child thinks about adventure and doing one activity after another until there is no time left in the day.   A parent thinks about relaxation and recuperation and sitting in the hot tub and eating food that delights their palates.    If you want to go on a holiday and sit by the edge of the pool or walk slowly on the beach, then the resort is healing and recuperating the stresses of your life.   If however, you take a holiday doing adventurous things like repelling from 100 meters or jumping off of cliffs, then the holiday is aimed at development in the same way that a child sees the holiday.

If you need healing, you need to think in terms of resorts, but if you need development, you can think in terms of adventure.   The more stress-filled your life is, the more you will opt for a resort approach to change, and this is the place where most people need to start.   Eventually, when your positive energy reaches a certain threshold, then the healing switches to development where you begin with the positive energy that you have and give yourself an interesting challenge.  It is not a contest; one is not any better than the other.   If you need healing, that is what you need, and no matter how hard you try, you will only end up in a worse state if you go for development when you need healing.   Likewise, it is easy to get attached to the healing mode when development is the choice you need.   When you need to train for a marathon, you shouldn’t be thinking of going somewhere where everyone takes care of your needs.

Healing is recognizable when you have that feeling that you just can’t take it anymore, or you haven’t been able to take it for a long time and you are using all kinds of coping mechanisms like drugs and alcohol or sex to keep you going.    I had a friend recently tell me that he had been feeling really depressed in which case he went to a doctor for some help.   The doctor prescribed an anti-depressant, which caused his hair to start falling out and a huge loss in his sex drive.  This is an example of a practice of many physicians who try to keep people functioning in the developmental mode by giving them a drug, when they should be in a more profound program of total healing.    Healing is about giving yourself all the support that you need to recuperate your lost abilities and regain the confidence of a young child in exuberant play.   It usually requires suspending a certain amount of activities so that the healing has time to work.   The worse the condition the more you have to suspend.

Development is what you do when you are already functioning well and you want to get to a higher level.  When you are feeling positive generally already, but you feel the urge to achieve more and develop a new part of yourself, then you know that you are in the developmental phase.  This is not to be confused with someone who has a lot of money although it doesn’t exclude them.   If you have an area of your life that is severely dysfunctional like in the area of relationships, your growth is not considered development; it is considered healing.   The reason it is necessary to call it healing is that success at the expense of relationships is not success; it is failure because something about your life is completely false and you need all of the support you can possible get in order to change it.   If you cannot understand this logic, just think about the world and all of the powerful leaders who gain territory and riches at the expense of the people, then you realize how sick a person can really get when they are just after wealth.   It would be disastrous for a person who is a failure in relationships like so many movie stars, for instance, to think about their career goals until they change their relational life.  Their lives are a disaster.   One of the best movies that illustrates this principle is Regarding Henry with Harrison Ford as the principal actor.   In this story he is a very successful lawyer making gobs of money, but his relationship with his daughter and his wife are in the last place category.  Suddenly one day he is shot in the head while buying some cigarettes.   He goes into a long extended healing and then when he is cured, he changes the whole direction of his life.   At the end of the movie, you could say that he had moved from the healing phase to the developmental phase.

This is why this process is called radical change because what is being asked of people, who we consider to be so successful, is to consider that maybe they have been considering the wrong things.   There is really absolutely no difference of someone wealthy who has lived a false life and someone who is living on the street and has lived a false life.  They are both in the same situation and if we support them, maybe their lives will get better.   Wouldn’t it be ironic that if community service groups would turn their attention on the very wealthy and reach out to them to help them out.   Now that would be radical.  I am not suggesting that every wealthy business person is living a false life, far from it, but it is not a big stretch of the imagination to see that the majority are in the healing phase, pretending like they are in the developmental phase.

The difference in the process of development versus healing is the orientation you have in time.   In the healing process all of your personal goals are suspended other than the area of healing, that is, you put your life on hold so that you can deal with the great healing that you need.   In development the setting of personal goals is the stimulus for change and growth.  Healing is an orientation toward the past with an eventual awakening of the future, whereas, development is an orientation toward the future with an occasional trip to the past to deal with negatives.   In healing you are dealing with some really difficult energy that has covered up your true self and its capacities.  It is oriented toward traumatic events or cultural trauma or the trauma of your family.  When you heal, you end up with a great deal of confidence and energy and then you are ready to challenge yourself.     With development you challenge yourself with a difficult goal and this allows you to face very difficult energy that stimulates your growth.  Radical growth in development means that you give yourself a big challenge and then fail miserably, learn from the failure and then keep going forward until you have achieved the goal learning each step of the way.   Healing is like opening the hood to the engine in your car and realizing that the car has serious damage.

Maybe the biggest veil here is the culture.  The world culture has become almost entirely ruled by material values that regards who has the most stuff as the most important.   If the world culture were oriented toward spiritual values, then the most important value would be who can do the best service because it would oriented toward qualities and not to quantities.  But as we are oriented almost entirely by the pressure of the bottom line, that being quantities, the people we value the most are the ones who have the most. Unfortunately this does not mean that they are doing anything at all beneficial to themselves or to others and usually means that they are doing a lot of harm.

If it sounds like daily change is against wealth, it is a misinterpretation of the process.  Daily change is a process whereby first you become wealthy in spiritual qualities and then the quantitative wealth may follow, but the opposite is not true.  It is like division.    36 divided by 9 gives you 4, but 9 divided by 36 gives you ¼.  To do daily change you must start in the non-material dimension (spiritual) and then the material.   Money does not generate a quality, but a quality can generate a material outcome with implications for money.   When you have a united family working together, they are capable of doing the impossible, but having a lot of money does not guarantee a united family.    Materialism is just as prevalent among the poor as it is among the rich because it depends upon where you start in the process.     Money is subordinate to the spirit, but in the overwhelming majority of the world, the spirit is subordinate which makes it possible for a person to be spiritual once a week for a few hours and subordinate that work when working with money or material conquests.

The primary concern, whether you are doing healing work or work that is more developmental in nature, is that you begin by feeling the impoverished state of your true self and work on your negative energy until it releases enough positive energy that you become functional and thriving.  In the non-physical realm poverty is a positive and it is a great idea to make friends with it because it is the motivation upon which all change is possible.   Without humility radical change is impossible.